NERD NOSTALGIA: 5 Problems I have with “Schoolgirl Hitchhikers”
By: A. Aleister Sirrat
HA! Got you, you pervert! I know why you’re here. You took one look at the cover photo and you said to yourself, “Aww hell yeah, this sounds hot. I got to check this out!”. What a filthy, filthy mind you have, you pervert! Oh well, I suppose I owe you a “decent review” after enticing you to want to “read” my article. French Film Director Jean Rollin produced a number of wonderful exploitation and fantasy soft-core films back in the 1970’s. One of his better ones (in my opinion at least) was 1973’s “Schoolgirl Hitchhikers”. Although I found this film to be both erotic and entertaining it does have some major flaws.
1.) The girls on the DVD cover are not in the film
 |
| Lies and Deception! |
Yeah, just from looking at the DVD cover this looks like it was a recently made movie. The two girls on the cover look very provocative and sexy. I think they kind of look like the early 2000’s Russian Pop Group t.A.T.u. The DVD cover is just the first of many deceptions. Not only aren’t the two girls on the DVD cover in the film, but I don’t even think they were alive when this film was made. This film was made in 1973, though the cover makes the film look like it was made and released in the past few years. Shame on you Netflix for enticing your audience to check out a film with old fashioned bait ‘n switch.
2.) These actresses in the film are not schoolgirls
Yet, another devious deception of this film is that it promises schoolgirls. The actresses in this film aren’t schoolgirls. In fact, they’re much too old to be schoolgirls (They’re clearly in the mid-twenties). Not only that, but they don’t even wear schoolgirl outfits. How the hell can you have a film called “Schoolgirl Hitchhikers” and not even have your actresses dress as
school girls?
3.) They are not hitchhiking
That’s two deceptions on Director Jean Rollin’s part. How the bloody hell can you call your film “Schoolgirl Hitchhikers” if your actresses are not dressed as schoolgirls and you don’t even have them hitchhiking. Seriously, they don’t ask for a ride from anyone. They’re hiking through the woods. So maybe the film should have been called “Schoolgirl Hikers” instead of “…Hitchhikers”, but even then the title doesn’t sound right. I think a more appropriate title for this film should’ve been “Two Bi-curious Gal-pal’s have a fling in an abandoned country cottage”. A bit too wordy of a title, yes, but I think it’s a more honest title than “Schoolgirl Hitchhikers”
4.) Lack of Consistency to the plot.
 |
| What woman could resist that man??? |
As if we haven’t been deceived enough by this film now the film actually expecting us to increase our suspension of disbelief. So when we meet the two girls in the film they state that they are both “lovers”, and make passionate love to each other in an abandoned country cottage that they both broke into. Unbeknownst to the two ladies, the house is actually a rendezvous point (Hey, look at me using French in a discussion about a French Exploitation Film) for a group of jewel thieves. The girls eventually come across a guy who looks like a scrawny French Charles Bronson, and decide that they cannot resist the charm of his handlebar mustache and make sweet, sweet love to the man. Then somewhere along the way the Scrawny French Charles Bronson’s partners in crime think that the girls must have run off with their jewels despite no evidence whatsoever. Seriously, Mr. Rollin you’re not even trying. I may not be a genius, but I wasn’t born yesterday, and you’re trying to get me to believe too many things that don’t make sense and your film is full of plot holes. Perhaps, you should have re-read and edited your story before you started making this film.
5.) Lack of Vampires
Yeah, I was disappointed that this film didn’t feature vampires like in many of Jean Rollin’s other films. I mean when you direct films with titles such as “The Nude Vampires”, “The Rape of the Vampire, “The Shiver of the Vampires”, “Requiem for a Vampire”, “Lips of Blood”, “The Two Orphan Vampires” and “Dracula’s Fiancée”, yeah people are going to expect you to stick to what you know. But no, Mr. Rollin decided to keep vampires in all forms out of “Schoolgirl Hitchhikers”. Maybe he could’ve re-wrote to include vampires. I think “Vampire Schoolgirl Hitchhikers” could’ve been a great idea for a film. Alas, we will never know now with Jean Rollin’s unfortunate
passing in 2010.
 |
| How could you leave us out, Mr. Rollin??? |
So those are my five personal grievances that I have with Jean Rollin’s “Schoolgirl Hitchhikers”. It was a lot of fun to be on the site and thanks to my good friend “Das Film Junkie” for helping me get this post uploaded. I hope to get to write more reviews for “Asylum for Nerds” very soon. Take Care!
Sincerely,
Sirrat
0 Yorumlar